Posts Tagged ‘Shea Hillenbrand’
At first it seemed odd that notorious dickhead and abrasive personality Shea Hillenbrand would be so gracious and contrite when asked to comment on the re-signing of John Gibbons as the Blue Jays manager, but after some cutting-edge journalistic work we at the Mockingbird have managed to uncover both sides of the AP interview quoted in part by the Star. Here now, in its entirety for the first time, is the complete and unedited interview with Shea Hillenbrand:
ASSOCIATED PRESS: Hello, Shea? This is the Associated Press calling. As you may or may not know, John Gibbons has recently been re-hired as manager of the Blue Jays. Just wondering if you had any comment on that?
SHEA: “That’s awesome. He’s a great guy.”
AP: What? No, I said JOHN GIBBONS. Former manager of yours. The guy who stopped playing you halfway through the season, challenged you to a fight during the ensuing fallout, and then refused to stay on as manager if you remained on the team. Do you have anything to say about him or what happened between the two of you?
SHEA: “I think he handled the situation that we had very professionally and I didn’t handle it professionally at all.”
AP: Wow, really? Gotta say I’m a little surprised. Did NOT think you were going to say that. Ok, well so much for that story…hey, how are all your wacky animals? Do you still have the rabbits and the lemur and the miniature horses and all those fucking tortoises? Did you ever get the Zebra and Buffalo you wanted? Ha ha ha. I mean, you run a petting zoo now, right?
SHEA: “All I know is that during my time with him he was a really good manager and I think he did a really good job with what he had.”
AP: Yeah, yeah, you already said that. Big of you. I was talking about…wait. Something’s wrong. Are you in trouble, Shea? Is he there? Don’t say anything…just use his first name in a sentence if you can’t talk to me right now./p>
SHEA: “I think John’s going to be a great addition to that ball club and he’s a great guy.”
AP: OH god. I’ll send for help. You just hang tight, Shea. I knew this wasn’t over.
Former Blue Jays troublemaker Shea Hillenbrand’s three-year old son was yesterday a few weeks ago by a pet Lemur. Unable to find work this offseason, Shea has moved on to starting his own petting zoo, a plan that would now seem to be on hold. You can here the chilling 911 call here–
Hold on. You in the back. Show some class. This is not at all amusing. This is a young child we’re talking about here, no doubt traumatized by having his finger bitten down to the bone. There is nothing intrinsically funny about Monkey Assault, just because this particular primate has large goofy eyes more associated with friendly cartoon animals than savage creatures. Anything could have happened.
In other news, as a result of this vicious attack, the Blue Jays have decided to avoid any potential clubhouse injuries to their already star-crossed team by ditching their plans to purchase a Marmoset, instead deciding to acquire a less cool, but much less dangerous animal in the form of a rabbit, like this one seen here: