The Mockingbird

The Metro Meets the National Enquirer

with 3 comments

Marty York has officially lost his mind. He’s gone from spreading baseless rumours to fabricating totally bizarre and impossible trade scenarios. From today’s Metro:

  • Could Roger Clemens be returning to Toronto?

The future Hall of Famer has decided to start collecting some of the $3-million US he’s owed by the Houston Astros, who signed him to a personal-services agreement in 2004. That may mean he’s finally ready to retire, but it could also mean he’ll extend his pitching career for a smaller base salary.


And sources tell me the Blue Jays are seriously thinking of pursuing both Clemens and his pal, Andy Pettitte. (I wonder if they’ll offer Canadian money.)

Right. J.P. has been lying all along. He actually has a ton of cash to spend but instead of plugging some serious and obvious holes is interested in beefing up an already solid rotation by picking up a hugely expensive veteran mercenary for half a season who has publicly voiced his distaste for his time in Toronto and then signing another high priced pitcher who has sworn on his mother’s grave he will either retire or play for the Yankees. Perfect! Then the Rocket can be the most expensive #5 of all time and we can send Marcum back to AAA!

In other news, my sources tell me “bow wow”, “heysh buddy, spareshome changsh” and “the night time is the right time!” I don’t know what’s sadder, that Marty boy gets paid for spouting this ridiculousness, or that he gets picked up and quoted by other semi-reputable outlets. First the Burnett frenzy out of nothing and then this – when did baseball writers become as sensationalistic and unreliable as paparazzi?

Roger Clemens has decided he would like to start receiving the $300,000 annually he’s due from the Houston Astros in the 10-year personal-services agreement that was in the contract he signed for the 2004 season. That may mean he’s finally ready to hang up his swagger, retiring after 354 victories and 4,672 strikeouts, but it’s far too early to say he won’t join the equally undecided Andy Pettitte in returning to the Yankees or even going to Boston, Toronto or back to Houston.

So some guy in Chicago offhandedly drops the names of a couple teams that Roger used to play for, and Marty York:

  1. Misreads the sentence to think it means Pettitte would be going to one of those teams as well,
  2. Totally makes up the part about the Jays “seriously pursuing” the both of them, and
  3. Quotes the paragraph as an inside source without doing so much as a google search for plausibility checking.

Heck, he even copy-pasted the sentence structure (“has decided…” “That may mean…”) and then rewrote the numbers so it wasn’t outright plagarism. That’s quality journalism, hmm hmmmm.


Written by halejon

November 14, 2007 at 3:04 am

3 Responses

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  1. […] Metro Meets Enquirer […]

  2. Ummm… yeah. That’s not happening.
    Not even with JP at our helm.


    November 14, 2007 at 2:37 pm

  3. […] “sources” (who last informed you that the Jays were “seriously considering” pursuing both Clemens and Andy Pettitte this off-season), which makes me about 99% sure this never happened. I’m also no longer entirely sure the […]

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