The Mockingbird

Educating the Unclean Masses

with 7 comments

In his latest Sportsnet gem, Scott Carlson dismisses Frank Thomas as a “base clogger” and trots out the old baseball truism: “Games lost in the first month of the schedule are infinitely harder to make up in the last month”.

Geez, collective Toronto media. I know you deal in rhetoric. But why not just say “he’s really freaking slow”, or “a good start is important” instead of making up ridiculous shit that a four-year-old would choke on.

But it gets better- then he decides to take a shot at the callers to the Mike Wilner postgame show (who as we all know range from the hysterically insane to, well…me):

(By the way, there’s an urban legend going around — mostly on the post-game call-in show — that Thomas was a notoriously slow starter. That, in fact, is a myth. Over his 18-year career, he’s a .281 hitter in the month of April. The only three seasons where he started slow were his last three. Remove those from the equation and Frank is a .298 career hitter in the month.)

Really! Those dunces! Spreading cockamamie ideas over the airwaves based on recent history, interviews and observations instead of numbers from the 90’s. But hold on, that’s not actually where I first got that incredibly inane idea. Where was it…where was it…oh, wait, I remember. It was YOUR OWN FREAKING SEASON PREVIEW, SCOTT:

(Frank Thomas) is a big question mark. ‘The Big Hurt’ is a notoriously slow starter (.231 at the end of May last season, .303 the rest of the way) and it took him until the fourth last game this spring to finally go yard.

Especially delicious is that he actually uses the exact phrase that’s he’s now rolling his eyes at the ignorant masses for repeating. Busted! Hoisted! Boo-yeah!


Written by halejon

April 22, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Posted in Seriousness

7 Responses

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  1. wow. what a douche. busted indeed. thanks for pointing that out. carson is well-deserving of the dunce cap

    Navin Vaswani

    April 22, 2008 at 1:32 pm

  2. Ironic, this. It’s kind of like having a throwback smoking doctor.

    johnny was

    April 22, 2008 at 2:49 pm

  3. By the way, there’s an urban legend going around — mostly on the post-game call-in show — that Thomas was a notoriously slow starter.

    Yeah, what I heard was that Big Hurt was found in his closet choking on the finger of a would-be burglar these last three Aprils; it really was a more recent thing with his career.

    Ice Cream Jonsey

    April 22, 2008 at 3:18 pm

  4. Don’t deny it, you were up all night making that cap out of paper-mâché and lipstick.


    April 23, 2008 at 10:28 am

  5. Yah, and you wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get him to sit still for the photo.


    April 23, 2008 at 11:47 am

  6. Lighten up, guys. Carlson contradicts himself, sure. But Jamie Campbell doesn’t know what he’s saying in the first place. Nice to see that Rance has managed to conceal his contempt so far this year. All in all, I found myself missing Tabler last night . . .


    April 23, 2008 at 7:22 pm

  7. That’s saying a lot!

    But…but…Carlson is the third man in the booth. He’s the one FEEDING Campbell the inane shit he spouts off about. Don’t shoot the messenger!!


    April 23, 2008 at 7:26 pm

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