“I’d sign zombie Hitler if he’d put up a .480 OBP”
Mulliniks proves Godwin’s Law with ranting linkage that will leave you happy and/or unemployed:
(If the Hitler-Bonds photoshop wasn’t warning enough, some of these links are NSFW)
Is anyone else glad the winter meetings are over? After four days of intense, media-driven over-speculation, I’m just about ready to put a boot in anyone’s ass that even suggests something as grotesque as another Lee/Guiterrez for Rios trade, or the thought that Towers might be traded for anything more then a bag of balls and a stack of used porno mags.
With so much BS being hawked as genuine news, does anyone else feel like they’re stuck in some sort of terrible Bill Conlin wet dream?
(Excellent, two Hitler references already and we’re just getting started – the one the title is my “quote of the day” from some amazing anonymous poster at mlbtraderumors.com).
This post is dedicated to all the media and players that have clearly gone stir-crazy after a month without baseball. WTF people, can’t you just sit back for a moment and smell the roses? You can’t even rest your laurels for 30 seconds and just enjoy the holidays? Clearly, if you don’t pen something to paper often enough, the well of useless facts may dry up forever.
Why in god’s name are we still being treated to our weekly dose of dick-in-a-bag, when it’s been long established that Dick’s either writing up his own questions, or on been sent on a hilarious fools errand by some of our nation’s finest bloggers.
But I digress. My intention here was to point out some of the more lighthearted/disturbing moments in the world of baseball over the past couple weeks with as little mention of the name Barry Bonds, then only to drive up as many blog hits as possible.
Lately I’ve been loving the guys at 100% Injury Rate, you’re almost guaranteed something amazing daily. And honestly, suggesting someone might “Suck my ass!” or that “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you” is really as relevant today as it was 100 years ago. And clearly no worse then electing a back-stabber to the hall of fame.
What else is there in the bag of tricks? First on the kinda gay front, how about John Maine, not only in drag, but offering the big bucks for the dress right off some poor woman’s back. On the surface, this story sounds no worse then something I might do at the tail end of a Tequila bender. But John, dude, you’re famous now, can’t you just buy your Victoria Beckham drag off eBay like the rest of us?
In the same vien, all of MLB is mourning the loss of one of it’s greatest trailblazers. Kazuhito Tadano decided to take is beautiful eephus pitches and gay porn back to Japan after he was designated for assignment. How this ended up getting more coverage then The Gronk’s tragic defection to the Red Sox (we wish you the best), I’ll never understand. Oh wait, the gay porn. Though you know the massholes are starting to get restless when they start suggesting: “Next season, however, the former New Hampshire reliever could replacing Gagne in the Boston bullpen.” (nice editing guys!)
Yowza! Someone turn on the Hype Machine stat! And please tell me that something isn’t seriously wrong when Kazuhito getting designated got more press then one of the greatest things to ever happen in the history of professional baseball?
And who could forget Aubry Huff, and his oh-so-wonderful antics. If it wasn’t for him, how would young baseball players learn to avoid the dreaded “2-year prime, fast drop-off and steady decline”. Really, it could happen to you at any time, even when you’re finger-paining a porn stars’ bare ass. Just check out this gem:
Producer: “Do you guys do any studying or is there any of that going on? Or is the catcher the only one that’s really gotta study anything?
Huff: “The guys that are studying — it’s bullshit. See ball, hit ball. You know what I mean? You’ve done it your whole life. You see the ball, you hit it. All this studying? Honestly, you’re gonna look at a piece of, a TV? And say this guy, this guy is going to throw me this way? No, he might throw you a different way! Who cares? Just see it and hit it!
And last but not least, let’s wrap this all up with a gratuitous boob shot from a flasher at Fenway. And who said baseball blogging didn’t have its highlights. And please if anyone in Uncasville, CT reads this, I recommend getting the hell out of dodge, and I mean now.
Doesn’t anyone in MLB have a “normal” hobby anymore? Or is it all just sodom and gomorrah from here on out? At least it makes for some excellent distraction at work before someone catches me and I get fired.