The Mockingbird

Where to begin?

with 8 comments

(Editor’s note: Dan was writing essays in the comments, so I decided to make him start writing posts that I can heckle mercilessly instead. How about a warm round of applause from everyone here searching for the Cut Shuuto?)

Is it just me, or is there way too much gone crazy in the world of baseball to even begin my bellyaching about the state of the Jays’ offence and the tribulations of Mr. Vernon ‘Infield Fly’ Wells right now (even despite a much more ‘Big Hurt-Like’ .1002 OPS from Frank Thomas in August so far). Isn’t this the time of year that Jays’ fans should be pulling out their hair, watching their team live or die by down the stretch for even a sniff at that precious of precious wildcard spot?

But no, we all know it, but are afraid to blurt it out in the company of others, just in case there’s still some pour sucker out there that still believes in Santa or the Easter Bunny.

I think Teddy KGB said it best in the movie Rounders:

Teddy KGB“It hurts, doesn’t it? You can’t believe what fell… All your dreams dashed. Hopes down the fucking drain. Your fate, standin’ right behind me.”

And that fate? Well, waiting until spring training again next year when we get to start the whole torturous circle of baseball all over again. Man, I wish they were even just 5 games back in the race and even had the faintest hope – The last time I had that feeling was in 2000 (I may live vicariously through Baseball, when we were leading the pack at the All-Star break only to have those dreams so quickly quashed. Now that’s sad.


So what to do until then? You pray for all the youngsters in the rotation to turn into stud pitchers – and just start taking the game at face level (and what a terrible face that is):

Fucking Mel


First, Aaron Hill – stay away from Mel “hells angel handshake/knocked up my chashier/pot of water” Lastman.



I don’t care what’s he’s paying you, after what he did to this city, nobody should still be giving that fuckup the time of day. Toronto Sun, that includes you, you worthless piece of trash.

Second, does anyone else think the three inning save is the most ridiculous thing ever??

Congratulations, Wes Littleton for preserving a 20-run lead, getting the save and ruining saves for all future generations.

Third, did anyone else notice where Troy Glaus is playing when Reggie “I wish I was Joey Gathright” Willits was hitting the other night. Does 10 bunt singles suddenly mean its time to start playing “rover” beside the pitcher? It all doesn’t bode well for the state of his feet if he can’t charge balls anymore. What’s with all these one-dimensional players fucking with us these days. Aaron Hill you know what I’m talking about.

Finally, I did have one moment of solace this past week when I realized that our bullpen is going to be just fine until the Beej comes back. And then its going to be absolutely fucking amazing. Without Ryan (and there’s a pretty healthy chance that he won’t ever pitch again, lets not forget that) and even with Frasor and Towers still pitching every 2 weeks in blow-outs, they still have a pretty lethal relief corps out there. And a good reason why we’ve still been winning the occasional game despite not scoring any runs for the past month.

Though it did bring up a troubling conversation I had with my Dad the other evening. He said that many young pitchers have started voluntarily opening up their arms for Tommy John – a whole bunch in my brother’s league (Frontier League, A+ Independent League Baseball) – for that faint hope that it might make their arms stronger and get them back/to the Pros.

Not only is there no evidence that this is true, but I think raises several other more troubling thoughts:

“a symptom of how dysfunctional the American relationship to sport is becoming”.

Wait a minute, did I actually just blog that? I thought I was only thinking it to myself….


Written by mulliniks

August 26, 2007 at 8:49 pm

Posted in Blue Jays

Tagged with , ,

8 Responses

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  1. How do you throw a Cut Shuuto anyway? What kind of pitch is it like?


    August 30, 2007 at 8:33 pm

  2. Something like this:


    August 30, 2007 at 9:03 pm

  3. Not to repeat the term “cut shuuto” too often just because the cut shuuto is the only search term that anybody ever finds this cut shuuto blog about the cut shuuto when searching for the cut shuuto, but although there has been a lot of interest in the cut shuuto properties of the cut shuuto, there isn’t really any way you can cut a shuuto any more than you can LEARN THROW PITCHES LIKE SLIDER CURVE (sorry…2nd highest hit frequency) nor are the directions of movement associated with “cut” ing a pitch and the the “shuuto” anything but diametrically opposed.

    Still, interest is high.

    Cut Shuuto.


    September 4, 2007 at 6:37 pm

  4. Dan, that was pretty awesome. I had a feeling it was you when you pulled out the:

    “First, Aaron Hill – stay away from Mel “hells angel handshake/knocked up my chashier/pot of water” Lastman…
    I don’t care what’s he’s paying you, after what he did to this city, nobody should still be giving that fuckup the time of day. Toronto Sun, that includes you, you worthless piece of trash.”

    I don’t know if I can handle a Dan/Jon tandem. My brain might explode from too much awesomeness!


    September 5, 2007 at 1:30 pm

  5. The Cut Shuuto is dead to me. Its all BARRY BONDS from here on out.

    Hammer – did you see the Aaron Hill Badboy ad? It may haunt my dreams forever – there is just something sacriligious about having Lastman at field level. Someone get the bomb squad on that walking disaster stat! It can’t be good for the Karma of the field turf, someone go sacrifice a bucket of chicken before shit like this starts happening in Toronto:

    Barry Bonds.


    September 5, 2007 at 3:15 pm

  6. I guess there’s no way we could get a copy of that ad…curses! Now that would be some mockin’.

    Barry Bonds.


    September 5, 2007 at 5:43 pm

  7. Ya totally, I thought they might have it posted on their website, but no such luck. Our only chance is that you may have caught it on the TiVo at one time or another.

    Serious mocking potential.

    Busch Light.


    September 5, 2007 at 5:53 pm

  8. I have never seen that ad.
    I’m now hoping one of you can somehow fetch it out of the abyss that is the Internet.


    September 5, 2007 at 5:55 pm

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