The Mockingbird

Nothing Sacred

with 16 comments

Why was I not informed? This is probably the worst thing I have ever seen on a baseball field:


Just in case naming your stadium after one of the biggest economic frauds ever, then changing it to a product with the word “maid” in it wasn’t embarrassing enough. Just in case having a 300 foot left field fence and a home run porch sticking out of it hadn’t shown enough disdain for the subtlety of baseball. Just in case you didn’t think that making your novelty home-run train carry oranges instead of coal wasn’t quite enough of a sell-out, there are now cartoon cows on the freaking foul pole telling you to EAT MORE FOWL.

I know there are plenty of advertisements at the Rogers center, even on the outfield walls. But this is messing with one of the classic lines of the ballpark. What’s next? You could probably fit some double arches around the batters box. Maybe a logo or a swoosh or two along the foul lines? Bases are just crying out to be painted like credit cards, and the back of the mound is an empty canvas that is shown for most of every TV broadcast…

I will stop now because they’re probably listening. But I hereby vow that if this sort of thing ever comes to Toronto, I will not let mere incarceration thwart my vigilante attempts to remove them by whatever means necessary.


Written by halejon

August 13, 2007 at 6:52 am

Posted in Baseball, Blue Jays

Tagged with , , ,

16 Responses

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  1. This is a sign of things to come.

    Remember that in last year’s all-star game, Selig was going to transform the basepaths into spider webs to promote the movie Spiderman. Anything for an extra couple of bucks.


    August 13, 2007 at 3:18 pm

  2. Are you kidding me? Augh that’s so terrible. Isn’t it enough that they’re plastered on every available inch of the stadium? Invading the playing area just makes me nauseous. I think that’s a REALLY bad move for the game.

    But at least something in the outfield grass is probably inevitable- when you think of other sports I’m actually pleasantly surprised it hasn’t happened yet.


    August 13, 2007 at 3:46 pm

  3. [Mechanized bull noises in background, signifying a home run]
    Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn’t he? [laughs]
    Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
    Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the fucking bull! Guy gets a free steak! [laughs]
    Crash Davis: You having fun yet?
    Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin’ a blast.
    Crash Davis: Good.
    Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
    Crash Davis: He did know.
    Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?
    Crash Davis: I told him.


    August 13, 2007 at 5:17 pm

  4. But that’s different! That’s @#$#$ awesome!! And HARD-ASS for huge home runs. None of these wussy chicken sandwiches dangling off the poles and making stupid advertising jokes…


    August 13, 2007 at 6:25 pm

  5. I guess you sort of expect it in Minor League games – that’s the magical land where pie-eating contests and baseball go hand in hand.

    But in ML games, is there some responsibity to stay classy? I doubt fans in Boston would allow the chicken signs.

    Although, I always wonder about those advertisements that follow the Japanese Superstars around the league. What the heck is the “Dandy House”???


    August 13, 2007 at 6:49 pm

  6. UPDATE:

    I googled Dandy House and apparently its a line of Men’s Spas that promise to turn you into a “Gigolo” with amazing Ziggy Stardust hair. Here’s a billboard:


    August 14, 2007 at 2:41 pm

  7. Yeah, the minor leagues are one big frat house joke. Did you see some of the promotions this year in syracuse? Groucho Marx night??? Anything goes…the bigs are supposed to be elegant, though. I mean you’re playing with a bunch of millionaires.

    It’s kinda like going to Vegas, sitting at the ‘big table’, and flicking bottlecaps across the room like you do at your home game.

    Oboy…I knew they were a spa because my mom is obsessed with signage, but Group Dandy is made up of Club Dandy and Club Gigolo?! Now THAT would be a sign behind the plate…

    (And can you imagine how many hits this page is going to get now that we’ve used the word ‘Gigolo’ multiple times?!?)


    August 14, 2007 at 3:53 pm

  8. Just don’t say “g@y s#x”


    August 14, 2007 at 6:54 pm

  9. Actually, the Jays Dunedin minor league team has received much love from Deadspin on their promotions:

    Carl “Moustache” Monday.

    and “You’re With Me, Leather” Day

    Unfortunately, they’ve also done this wrestling promotion.


    August 14, 2007 at 7:07 pm

  10. I would hope they wouldn’t put gaudy signs on the field…that would make it tougher to see the ball.

    But, they already put those World Series crests behind home plate, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened.

    Also, don’t some stadiums paint designs in the outfield (for the all star game)? “Subtle” ads may not be that far behind.

    Uniforms will have corporate logos on them in the next 5 years. It’s going to happen.


    August 14, 2007 at 7:38 pm

  11. Nice catch on the Griffin self-mail and load of fack:

    So where’s the mocking post – just one more and we get the “Griffins” Triple Crown.

    I know you want too…..everyone’s doing it!


    August 16, 2007 at 1:55 pm

  12. Didn’t know where to put this, but there was an interesting tidbit on Hardball Times today that discussed Infield Fly %:

    “When you think about it, the infield fly is just as bad as a strikeout; it’s almost always caught for an out and the baserunners have no chance to advance. It’s a pitcher’s secret weapon.”

    So basically, good hitters have the ability to avoid infield flies – and that got me thinking. There’s one thing that makes me more frustrated then anything else. Watching Vernon Wells hit first pitch infield flies, one after another, after another – its gotten to the point where hit practically happenes every game. So I decided, instead to look at the “worst” infield fly percentage:

    And sure enough, at 17.4% (nearly 1 every 5 ABs!) is Vernon Wells. 8th worst in a league.

    Add to that a 14.2% K to PA Rate. And you have a recipe for disaster. His K to BB is also abysmally out of wack this year – 35 BB to 72 Ks (47%) vs 194 BB to 339 over the previous 4 seasons (57%).

    Its no wonder his OBP is down to a terrible .313 – I think all that new money is doing some terrible to that great swing of his. It’s not easy getting around on a 90mph fastball when your pockets are stuffed with gold bullion.

    One bright spot: Alex Rios. On a list jammed packed with the league’s best hitters he’s 45th at 6.4% – even ahead of Ichiro. I think he’s a keeper.


    August 16, 2007 at 6:01 pm

  13. Yeah, for some reason it’s all popups. His line drives are way down in exchange. Most of it was in June- I think he tried to compensate for being weak and it messed up his swing.

    He was actually walking more often that previous years earlier in the season.


    August 16, 2007 at 7:56 pm

  14. Waiiiitt…..that’s IF/F, not IF/AB. Still makes the point, but 1/5 ab seemed a little high.


    August 16, 2007 at 8:12 pm

  15. Phew, I think I probably also need a little fact checking gnome that follows me around and cleans up my messes for me.


    August 16, 2007 at 8:37 pm

  16. Don’t worry, you’re wayyyyy above the standard required for a full-time writer (or the intern) at the Toronto Star….


    August 16, 2007 at 9:10 pm

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