The Mockingbird

A.J. no longer #1 starter

with 3 comments

Things looked really bad for the Blue Jays three weeks ago. Not only were they mired in a 9-game losing streak, but as soon as Halladay’s appendix exploded, the terrifying reality set in: A.J. Burnett is now our number one starter.

Fortunately, in a leap of reasoning that can only be compared to that of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a beast so incredibly stupid it figures if you can’t see it, it can’t see you), A.J. Burnett decided that meant he should start pitching like one for the first time in his life. Over 4 starts he:

  • Cut his terrible mullet.
  • Struck out an average of 9 a game.
  • Had an ERA of 2.25.
  • Worked out of jams with double plays
  • Threw his curveball for strikes at an astonishing (read: both hands required to count) rate.
  • Eliminated any lingering possibility that he won’t opt out of his contract after next year.

But that’s all over now, Baby Blue. The Doctor is in. Which means A.J. is no longer our best pitcher and can go back to the frustrating mediocrity and mind-boggling inconsistency we’ve come to expect. Unless we can somehow convince him that Halladay lost his spot and is now really just a number 5 who we never skip??


Written by halejon

June 1, 2007 at 10:05 pm

Posted in Baseball, Blue Jays, Seriousness

Tagged with , ,

3 Responses

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    Submited post on – “A.J. no longer #1 starter”

  2. I think the de-mulleting is what took him over the top, but don’t tell Accardo – he thinks his mullet has super mystical powers.

    And its true.


    June 4, 2007 at 2:14 pm

  3. If I stop cutting my hair and generally avoid modern standards of style/hygene will I find my control and develop a devestating split fingered pitch?

    Because I already have. Just in case.


    June 4, 2007 at 6:09 pm

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