The Mockingbird

Tough Love

with 5 comments

Well, this hurts- but who am I to snap the string of masterpieces from Jays starters since I started dishing it out?

 Dustin, you’re a tool.  God/Darwin gave you a 98 mph fastball and a curve that buckles my knees just thinking about it, but it’s been all downhill from there. Sure I’ll give you a bit of a break for those injuries and it takes time to command explosive stuff, but you’ve been in a major-league camp 5 freaking times now and failed to impress anyone but the radar gun. We even signed a bunch of soft-tossers and then decided to give Josh Towers another shot at the 5th spot in the rotation instead of considering you at all this year. Then we begged the league to let us keep you down in the minors for another year.

So you finally get your big chance to prove us wrong due to an amazingly timed combination of demotion and injury, and in your first game the team spots you a 4-run lead. You’re cruising along on 15 pitches through 2 innings, but after walking 9 guys ALL YEAR in AAA, you decided to start handing out free passes in the third and donk off the game. Things go a little better in your second start and your ERA plummets to 7.59. Lefties are hitting .450 off you this season!

Don’t make me get started on your little “maybe I’d be more comfortable if I hid out in the bullpen for a while” debacle. Seriously, you’re starting to make Burnett look like a positive role model.

And what exactly are you doing in this picture? Gritting your teeth or doing one of those fake model smiles?


I’ll bet you won’t even go 6 innings in this start. Or strike anyone out. Or get your first win. Yeah, you heard me. What are you going to do about it?


Written by halejon

May 18, 2007 at 7:30 pm

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5 Responses

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  1. Good job Jon, you screwed him over. Too bad he didn’t have his Shuuto working for him. I think he needs some time in Japan.


    May 22, 2007 at 5:12 pm

  2. I honestly thought I had some kind of demonic powers of criticism when he was throwing a no-hitter through 4.

    Then he pulled an A.J. One bad call, a couple runners on base, and mechanics…what mechanics? It’s walk the pitcher time!


    May 22, 2007 at 5:23 pm

  3. He was pure gold through four, I think someone on the bench just leaned over and whispered to him he was working the no-no, and then his brain spontaenously broke. I think it went something like this:


    May 22, 2007 at 6:18 pm

  4. Funny…Fasano said it was mechanics and arm angle. Arnsberg said it was pure release point.

    (“Any time you create movement, you have to change your arm angle. When you change your arm angle, you lose all command.”)


    (It’s called the window — that we talk about so much. He didn’t repeat his window very well. I sat and broke it down frame to frame to frame and it all comes down to that last split second — what happens in that window. If it’s held on too, too long, it’s down. If it’s held on too short a time, it’s up.)


    May 22, 2007 at 7:17 pm

  5. I say it’s “Burnett Brain”

    “We’ve basically said, ‘Shoot for the middle and hope it hits a corner.’


    May 22, 2007 at 7:17 pm

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