The Mockingbird

Toronto Sports Writers are Much Better Than Blue Jay Bats

with 2 comments

You would think that a newspaper that only has a “sport” page would be a little light on the hard-hitting sports analysis, but after leaving nine men on base last night, the Globe has been the first to point out that the Jays are mired in a woeful offensive slump.

Through almost two weeks of the American League season, the Blue Jays have hardly been revving their mighty offensive engines, and last night’s 5-4 loss to the Detroit Tigers was another example.

It’s true. Although they lead the major leagues in runs, hits, doubles, RBI, OBP, and average, are second in total bases and third in slugging, they sit a miserable 22nd in sacrifice flies, and dead last in bunts. Their ranking for the all-important triple has already slipped to fifth. Even with our rock-solid starting rotation, scoring 6.2 runs a game is just not going to get it done. Yes, it is clearly “desperation” time.
(Thanks to The Roman Empire for passing along this flash of wisdom.)

Written by halejon

April 13, 2007 at 6:51 pm

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  1. Sometimes your satire is so biting that I stare at my computer in confused amazement.

    The Globe’s usually alright, too. It makes you wonder what they’d come up with for other teams:

    “ARod Struggles To Open Season.”
    “Zumaya’s Arm Has Lost Zip.”
    “Phoenix Suns Don’t Shoot Enough 3-Pointers.”

    hroman

    April 13, 2007 at 7:40 pm

  2. The Jays clearly noticed YOUR article urging them to get their offensive act together and start bunting. Jason Smith’s bunt was a thing a beauty, Johnny Mac’s well…..according to Vernon “even sometimes a blind squirrel finds a nut”.

    But put that together and you still get two “hits”, and a team that’s still last in SHs, but one clearly willing to bunt the AL champs into submission with the game on the line. All that with everyone’s favorite bunter now on the shelf for two weeks.

    Dan

    April 14, 2007 at 5:12 pm


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