The Mockingbird

Worst. Article. Ever.

with 5 comments

Check out the CBC’s preview of the Jays by Jesse Campigotto. This is what happens when you give the intern a book of stats and tell him he’s the baseball guy. Here’s a quick list of blunders- anyone see any more? (This had to have been written weeks ago, so everything being really out of date doesn’t count).

1) This year’s payroll is much more than 75 million- at least 85.

2) Davis Romero has for some time now been out for the season with a torn labrum.

3) Russ Adams is trying his hand at second, not third base in the minors.

4) “Youngster” Josh Towers is 30.

5) Ted Lilly was our #3, not #4 pitcher last year.

6) Last year they were the second, not third best team in the division.

As for this last point, I suppose he could be saying the Jays were actually the third best team, but the Red Sox had a “nightmarish campaign”- but let’s go over the causes of these nightmares (from his next post previewing all of mlb):

There was no joy in Beantown last year as the BoSox flamed out in the heated battle for AL East supremacy, finishing third to the hated Yankees in baseball’s biggest-budget divison. That can happen when your top two sluggers (David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez), starting centre-fielder (Coco Crisp) and closer (Jonathan Papelbon) miss significant time with injuries.

David Ortiz played 151 games- the second most of his career. Manny just packed it in for the last month because they were out of contention, and his whole team knew that. Papelbon came out of nowhere, had an absolute dream season when it looked like they had a huge gaping hole in the closer’s role, and then they shut him down the last month as a precaution because they were out of it. What else? Lester getting Cancer was a nightmare for him, but he went 7-2 when they needed him first. Beckett being terrible? OK, but he still went 16-11 due to some incredible luck and Papi heroics.

No, I’ll tell you a nightmare. Your #2 and #4 pitchers are out for more than half the season and come back slow. The guy who lead your team in wins last year cracks up and has one of the worst seasons on record (and because of the injuries you have no choice but to let him continue to give away games in the first inning). Two of your middle relievers go from extremely solid over the last two years to AAA in the first month. Your Loogie doubles his ERA. Your young superstar gets a freak infection from fouling a @#$@#$ ball off his shin (Team doctor: “I personally have never seen an infection without the skin being broken”) that derails his breakout season. Your first round SS pick pulls a Steve Sax/Chuck Knoblauch so you are forced to replace him- first with a recent all-star who hits .162 because he’s washed up, and then finally with a guy who bats .220 because that’s who he is. Your headcase DH forces you to trade him for prospects. Your headcase pitcher blows a 7 run lead and fights your manager when he comes to take him out. Things get so bad you are forced to start relievers and hope they each make it 3 innings. Now there’s a screamer…and we still finished 2nd.

Written by halejon

March 31, 2007 at 5:11 am

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  1. It’s CBC, though. We’re lucky we didn’t get a 2007-2008 Maple Leafs season preview.

    On a somewhat related tangent: almost every prognosticator in the mainstream sports media has said that the Blue Birds will finish third in the East.

    Yahoo’s season preview even makes this bold statement:
    “Toronto hasn’t done much to improve [this season]”

    I’m shaking my fist!

    hroman

    April 1, 2007 at 1:28 am

  2. Wow – that’s some of your best work. Tomorrow I scour the internet for terrible predictions in print from the past couple years.

    Dan

    April 1, 2007 at 4:19 am

  3. Here’s a little food for thought to get the ball started:

    Worst, Prediction, Ever:

    Towers: 0 IP (no respect for the J-Train)

    Dan

    April 1, 2007 at 4:25 am

  4. What exactly have the Yankees done to improve??

    1) Lost Gary Sheffield, who has been great for them
    2) Lost Randy, who hasn’t been all that but still won 34 games over the last two years.
    3) Brought in Pettite, who was getting ROCKED in the NL last year and then recovered in the second half (and has a bad back).
    4) Brought in Kei Igawa, who has been on the decline in JAPAN.
    5) Gotten yet another year older.

    Their opening day starter is CARL PAVANO. And they’re still the unanimous choice for #1 in the league.

    I think everyone just takes the standings from last year and adds how much money the team spent this offseason. We were surging up the power rankings last year and now we’re crashing. Why?? It’s basically the same team (plus a MVP candidate), and all of our young guys have gotten better and have heightened expectations. If we had added a 35 homerun guy (Rios), a .300 hitting Gold Glove infielder (Hill), the best leadoff man in the league last year (Johnson), a 2.5 ERA setup man who throws 100 (League), a former ace turned setup man (Zambrano), on top of what the team was at the start of last year via free agency instead of development, it would have cost 200 million bucks and the media would be going crazy.

    Oh yeah, and the nail in the coffin- show me the ONE prediction from last year that has the Tigers on a rampage and the Twins doing anything at all.

    halejon

    April 1, 2007 at 8:52 pm


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