The Mockingbird

Getting on the J-Train

with 14 comments

    O.K., I’ll admit it. I’ve said some pretty mean things about Josh Towers. Because last year he hurt me. Hurt me bad. If we were in a relationship, he didn’t just sleep with my sister- he videotaped it from multiple angles, re-cut the juicy moments and made a million bucks on the Internet. He didn’t just steal my stuff, he spray-painted my apartment walls with feces and threw my cats out the window. He didn’t just rip out my heart and step on it- ok, you get the idea…Last year was incredibly, excruciatingly, even surreally, BAD.

    But you know what? I’m over it. And I wish him the best. Because I’m bigger than that. And because continuing to make snide remarks about his 2-10 monstrosity is like making fun of the fat kid, and I’m starting to feel dead inside. Instead, I’m going to wholeheartedly embrace the media frenzy that has been building all spring training and is currently reaching a fever pitch over his 5 innings of respectable pitching. Why, you ask? Why would I put myself out there again for a no-hoper? Well, for the same reason that respectable journalists have written more articles about him than every other pitcher we have combined, with titles such as:

Towers having a ball

Towers of Strength (Optimism high for Jays pitcher!)

Towers “growing up”

Towers in control

Towers adjusts attitude

Towers gaining confidence

    Because we can smell a comeback story. Last season was the start of the movie where the hero walks off the field, his career ruined after being too cocky and missing the biggest shot of his life. Then he meets up with the scrappy trainer (Reed!) who shows him how to Be All He Can Be, and leads his team back to victory and personal glory. Which in this case would be the Jays winning the wildcard and him going 10-10 (still probably enough to win him comeback player of the year under the circumstances). So get on board the J-train because from here on, we’re all pro-Josh, all the time.


(Has 87 mph ever looked so good??)


Written by halejon

March 14, 2007 at 7:04 pm

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14 Responses

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  1. If you’re that much into masochism, why don’t you just have Dan whip you for a few hours?


    March 14, 2007 at 8:22 pm

  2. Wait, there’s another: Towers fans five in Jays’ win


    they called me mad….muahahhahahahah!!!!!!


    March 16, 2007 at 10:09 am

  3. Should we be worried about the left side of the field? Two players have received cortisone shots (Glaus and Johnson) and the third player is Royce Clayton.


    March 16, 2007 at 3:35 pm

  4. Nahhhh- Glaus just gets them for fun these days. He’s had so many of them it’s just like breathing in helium, or sniffing glue…

    Jordan Bastian, of, reports Toronto Blue Jays manager John Gibbons expects 3B Troy Glaus (knee) back sooner rather than later and that he could be back in the next couple games. Gibbons said, “Troy I don’t think is going to be out long. Hopefully he can go on Wednesday. So that’s just a couple days off.” Glaus received a cortisone shot Monday, July 16, although a team official said it was not needed.


    March 16, 2007 at 5:03 pm

  5. Ok well here’s this years B.S…:

    A Blue Jays official said the shot was “standard” and that the club was not concerned by the development.

    Oh, no…your 240 pound, no-knee third baseman who limped around the bases the second half of last season and winced after every swing has started injecting himself with painkillers two weeks spring training…pffffft- what’s there to be concerned about? Now Josh Towers potentially making the starting rotation- THERE’S something to- erp, sorry…force of habit.


    March 16, 2007 at 11:56 pm

  6. What the heck?!? I go away for the weekend to the land where saying the words like “baseball” or “big O” are only liable to get you dirty looks, and there has occured the worlds first mascot “defection” – not just to a different team, but to a different sport altogether: – they even threw him a FUCKING PRESS CONFERENCE for goodness sakes.

    And suddenly, one of our three ‘sure’ rotation spots (the one we pretend is actually a #3, to make us sleep better at night) gets arrested for a DUI?

    Ok ok, I know in the world of professional sports, getting your first DUI is more of a rite of passage then something to worry about. Heck, even most ball payers that don’t regularly crack MLB lineups are getting in on the action (see: Jordan Thomson, Elijah Dukes and the rest of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays organization –

    However, does anyone else think we need any other silly questions bungling up our starting 25?? AND more cortisone, WTF, its spring training people – what have they installed the Cortisone injection machine right next to the softie ice cream machine in the clubhouse for easy access??

    Phew, at least Jamie Campbell thinks everything is A Ok:

    Holy shit – he’s even ridin’ the ‘J Train!’….Whatever he’s smoking, I’ll take ten.

    SIDE NOTE: Jon – free some time in your already hectic schedule, I have 3 cases of the unibroue collection, 1 belle guelle mixer pack, and 2 other sample packs from ‘Les Brasseurs’ (featuring a fantastic buckwheat brew, infused with coriander). Even, a huge bottle of Don De Dieu – apparently, beer in Quebec just has more ‘flavour’.

    Catch the taste!


    March 19, 2007 at 4:10 am

  7. That’s hilarious…Youppi was too cool to fade away. Go Jim Henson!!!

    Rosenthal says we’re looking to trade Thomson because we have to pay him another million if he makes the team. Crazy…Towers must be looking incredible. Though I’m not sure how much I buy any rumours after that Leiber-Rios garbage. ..


    March 19, 2007 at 5:32 am

  8. Hold on, I haven’t even begin to crack the Russ Adams nut.

    That Rosenthal thing is so rediculous – why would you sign a guy (to peanuts and modest incentives), if you’re in a bind if he just “happens” to make the opening day roster.

    Is it just me, or was Thomson a no-brainer from the moment he put pen on paper.


    March 19, 2007 at 7:46 pm

  9. Personally, the only guy I think that gets put on the bubble if Towers actually makes a case for the starting 25 is Okha, or possibly Rosario since he’s out of options and we might be able to squeeze him through the waiver wiver mayhem that always sets in at the end of Spring Training.


    March 19, 2007 at 9:11 pm

  10. Well, if you think that Towers is a lock this season and Thomson is the odd man out, maybe you don’t want to pay him a million to possibly end up pitching in the minor leagues. Zambrano is already signed as a backup, and then there’s Marcum and/or Janssen (who is having an amazing spring) behind the 5th spot as well.

    I personally think that Thomson was a steal and could be really good and who cares if we have to pay him 1.5 for a little insurance anyway, but we do have around 9 healthy, legit starters right now.

    What I don’t get is why we would release him instead of just starting him in the minors. I guess the 40-man counts as the opening day roster? Obviously we can’t get around the making the team bonus by calling him up 2 weeks in…


    March 19, 2007 at 9:24 pm

  11. Ha- I take it you didn’t see Ohka’s start today? Aside from his first inning, he’s been grrrrreat. Thomson is hanging out at 7.27. Apparently he threw 81 pitches against the NY AA team today, no idea how good they were.

    By Rosario you mean dump Thomson in the bullpen? I really doubt he makes it through waivers.

    And sorry, but while you were away this weekend, Towers has gained so much favour that with two weeks to go it looks like he is guaranteed a spot in the rotation. I should have kept my big mouth shut.


    March 19, 2007 at 9:35 pm

  12. Oh, and Glaus is apparently moving slow as molasses in the field. That’s ok, we still have a glut of 1b/3b, right? Right??? Hinske? ARRRRRRGH


    March 19, 2007 at 9:37 pm

  13. Well, stop the presses, not everyone has good to say about Josh Towers:

    “Picture the American League as Muhammad Ali. Now visualize Josh Towers as the face of George Chuvalo. Get into the Delorean equipped with the flux capacitor and drive it to Toronto. Dial in the date March 29, 1966 and you’ll see the only time when something in Toronto was hit as early and as often as Josh Towers was 2006. It was like a combination of Ground Hog Day and a bad acid trip. See Josh Towers, see Josh Towers start game, see Josh Towers get more crap kicked out of him than if he had accidentally ingested a case of chocolate Ex Lax. Repeat…again, and again, and again. He ended up with an ERA that was as inflated as a supermodel’s chest at a plastic surgeon that ironically, was the same number used by John Gibbons to call the bullpen—9.11”

    There’s some other good material in there, and Brattain goes on to surmise that the J-train might just have some league-average in him somewhere – so there’s plenty to talk about.

    Perhaps we should start with coming up with our own 5 questions? Let me start:

    1. Can Gustavo Chacin actually grow eyebrows?


    March 20, 2007 at 5:54 pm

  14. […] just trying to throw strikes, and it’s probably true. It means nothing, really. (Remember the media frenzy last year over how amazingly fantastic Josh Towers was looking in spring […]

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