The Mockingbird

Dice-K Toys With Opponents

with 9 comments

The Japanese sensation played with his American League East competition like a cruel cat licking its lips over a wounded mouse on Sunday, lulling his division rivals into a false sense of security with fat pitches and hanging breaking balls.

“This being a team in our same division that we’re going to face many, many times, I thought I’d take the opportunity to experiment a little bit and see where they’re going to hit the ball.”

The answer of course was just as the diabolical genius planned, as career minor-leaguer Jon Knott deposited a pitch in the middle of the zone 400 feet over the fence. “He had me fooled,” said Knott. “I had heard all about the gyro and his 6 crazy pitches, and no way was I thinking fastball down the middle above the belt. Of course even relief pitchers at this level can adjust and drill that pitch out of the park, but I think he knew that and was just working on his deception.” When asked about the pitch after the game, Dice-K just smiled.

“Not every pitch was a high fastball or a high slider, but judging from what I experienced, throwing high fastballs and high sliders can tend to be a little bit dangerous.”

“You can see he’s a very intelligent guy, ” said Jason Varitek. “We were talking about some of the scouting reports forthe Baltimore bench, where they say “only hits mistakes hard”. And he was very interested in this “mistake” pitch, because they don’t teach that in Japan. I distinctly recall him saying he wanted to try out this new pitch in a game setting, and that’s what we did. I think he’ll have it ready by the end of spring training.”


Written by halejon

March 12, 2007 at 7:02 pm

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9 Responses

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  1. A little off-topic, but I find his nickname “Dice-K” very ridiculous. Honestly, folks. Start coming up with better nick-names for our (potential) sports heroes, or fear my wrath.


    Where’s the creativity?


    March 13, 2007 at 8:06 pm

  2. Ok, ok- don’t have a cow, H-Rom…



    March 13, 2007 at 8:37 pm

  3. This is it! – he’s some sort of super genius, lulling the AL East into a false sense of security – only getting hit when he “lets” it happen.

    The reason why his “gyroball” is so devesating, he can actually control it with his mind alone. Just like Dock Ellis.

    Unfortunatly for Dock, he used this genius power “for evil” instead of good, one fateful day in 1974:

    But will Dice-K use his powers for good, or for evil? – who knows, but perhaps its all just in his mind.


    March 13, 2007 at 8:48 pm

  4. I’ll take “Ham-Bone” over H-Rom anyday. But, if you’re going to use J-Ha, you might have to start growing your hair again:


    March 13, 2007 at 8:50 pm

  5. Unless, of course, its a silent “J”:


    March 13, 2007 at 8:53 pm

  6. D-thom – is that like Detox, just different?


    March 13, 2007 at 10:10 pm

  7. I prefer H-Ro.

    The “m” screams conformity.


    March 13, 2007 at 10:25 pm

  8. Ok, but you’re leaving yourself wide open to a lawsuit filed by Ichiro.


    March 13, 2007 at 10:38 pm

  9. Sorry, a little out of place, but I needed to post the two best “real” quotes of Spring Training so far (from a couple weeks ago) – by my man V-dub:

    “It was a long week, about as long as a week can be,” centre-fielder Vernon Wells said of the workouts. “Only 29 more days of this crap.”

    Wells felt like a mess at the plate, despite his good stat line. “Hopefully during the season I know what I’m doing,” he said. “I’m like a blind squirrel right now. Every once in a while a blind squirrel finds a nut.”


    March 14, 2007 at 2:28 pm

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