The Mockingbird

Classic Moment in Broadcasting History

with 10 comments

For reasons best left to another blog, I have been watching tons of non-Jay games on mlb.tv this year, which has unfortunately made me completely unable to tolerate Buck and Tabler doing their thing. I used to think that it was just because every announcer would wear on you after 162-games, but I can now report with some assurance that the Jays have two of the most clueless, boring, and completely charmless announcers on the planet.

I mean, yeah…there are a few real dum-dums out there, but most of them are the type of dudes that you could see chatting with while watching a game over a beer. They banter, they make fun of each other. They tell the occasional anecdote, bring up a stat or two, but are all pretty chill.

Buck acts like you’re a four-year-old who has never seen a game of baseball before, and spouts off his sketchy baseball opinions like they were written in 50-foot-high flaming letters on the side of a mountain, delivered by god. He can spot what’s wrong with someone’s after one hack, and he’s got a PHD is psychology. It’s all rather rich for someone who was a lousy hitter and a worse manager.

Tabler latches onto the first thought he has and pursues it like a rabid terrier, piling on more and more vague aphorisms to support his point even as you can hear him losing his certainty like Artax sinking into the swamp. If it becomes clear that was he is saying did not actually happen or could not possibly be true, he just drops it and hopes nobody notices. My personal peeve though, is that if there is a runner on first, whichever team is at bat should be stealing 100% of the time (unless the player on first is so slow that the team can only hit-and-run). Pat seems truly incredulous, as if the managers are not doing their job when this does not in fact happen —  regardless of the game situation.

Anyway, enough venting…here’s a clip of a squeeze play by Toronto featuring Tab’s classic over-the-top-sureness about how aggressiveness is not a strong card, but the only card that you should ever play at all times for any reason. Note that the runner was safe at home by inches.

Tabler on feed 1: “It’s a great play because, if you get the ball down, and you execute this play, there’s no way that the defence can defend it.”

Ashby on feed 2: “I have to say I don’t like that play at all…if the Marlins execute with a good throw to the plate, Edwin’s out.”

(Edit: Sorry, forgot the link. The funny part is the two quotes come right after each other in the mash-up clip).

Look, I don’t care — I’m not a fan of this play at this time, but there are about a million interesting things that could be said about the pros and cons of it, the game situation, small-ball in general. Who needs this blinkers-on rah-rah nonsense disguised as analysis?

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Written by halejon

June 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

Posted in Seriousness

10 Responses

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  1. B-but stealing down by 3 runs will fracture the defense’s delicate psyche! As opposed to just making them chuckle over how you keep giving them more chances to get an out and come closer to ending the game.

    explodet

    June 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    • Also, professional pitchers have zero ability to deal with the running game. To a man, they all decompose and lose their MIND when a fast runner is on first. And completely stop throwing any offspeed pitch because with the extra fraction of a fraction of a second that it takes to get to the plate, the runner could basically walk to second. May as well just pump one fastball after the other to the power hitter at the plate.

      THIS IS WHAT THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE. I’ve really softened my stance on stealing and small ball over the years, so would be able to chuckle it off if they didn’t say this crap like six times a game. Man on first, drag out the generic pro-action, aggressiveness, risk-above-all-else comment. Not once, ONCE have I ever heard “gee, I guess that SB didn’t do much because the next guy walked. Wonder if it was worth the risk?” Or “boy, if it wasn’t for Lawrie getting caught stealing second, the Jays would have the bases loaded with nobody out right now instead of first and second with one away. Makes you think, doesn’t it…”

      halejon

      June 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm

      • It isn’t just that they’re bland … it’s the same bland GAME AFTER GAME. It is a repeating record of boredom. There is a complete inability on their parts to see the balance in the game … what I mean is that, if you’re too agressive too long, you’re taken advantage of and if you’re too patient too long you’re taken advantage of. You have to be smart and selective or you have to have the ability to just react. These arses can talk all they want about having to think your way through the game, but in my opinion, the best players don’t seem to have to think too much at all beyond their pre-game preparation.

        Regardless, they suck. Ashby is a treat.

        Beau

        June 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      • Yeah, exactly — they completely lack a sense of balance and nuance…which, unfortunately, are what put baseball above all other sports. ;)

        I think Ashby still needs to relax a little and just let the game happen sometimes. But he’s getting better and knows his stuff and has a CPG (Cringe Per Game) among the league leaders…

        halejon

        June 26, 2012 at 4:06 am

  2. Every time Ashby and Tabler team up, Ashby will, once per game, attempte to extract something amusing about Tabler from his playing days. Tabler fails miserably to remember any interesting situations, names of people he played with, or unusual behaviors he witnessed. Except for Joe Carter, who he can still clearly recall the exploits of. I don’t know it Tabby feels like he would still be betraying clubhouse confidences, or if he genuinely cannot recall anything else that happened around him from the ’80s through 1993.

    coolhead2011

    June 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

  3. Careful what you wish for. They could always re-hire my namesake. Nothing beats the instant retro baseball credibility endowed by a quality stache and a pair of coke-bottle glasses.

    mulliniks

    June 25, 2012 at 4:45 pm

  4. Even just moving Ashby to the TV permanently would make things incredibly more bearable. Him and Jerry do a great job on the FAN, but I would be willing to give that up as long as it meant an improvement on the TV side. I often watch the non-Jays feed through MLB.TV, just because I cannot stand Pat and Buck. Thank God that MLB now allows the audio overlay, so you can listen to the FAN in sync with the TV feed.

    Jonathan

    June 25, 2012 at 9:54 pm

  5. And to think that Buck/Tabby are a step up from the Jamie Campbell days.

    mcrichley

    June 26, 2012 at 8:45 am

  6. Pat actually said in last nights game that if a runner on first sees it is going to be a pitch out on a hit and run, he should still run. What the whaaaa? So an almost sure out at 2nd is better than your batter whiffing and getting a strike? Tool.

    Minty Fresh

    June 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

    • Yea, I noted that. That was the most idiotic comment of the night. I think his point was supposed to be that if he was able to notice, he wasn’t committed to second … artarded.

      Beau

      June 28, 2012 at 1:52 pm


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